For every suspicious or panicked glance I get from very young kids, there is a parallel whoop of joy from junior high kids who see I’m there.

It’s not about me of course.  They are just so glad the regular teacher and they hope, the regular work, are not on the agenda today.

They assume the scheduled test is cancelled, the homework due today will not be due, the sub will be confused and unable to function- and some assume they can assist in that confusion to propel it along.

It’s a game.  I know this.  I was young once and played such games and I know my own kids did  – or so they admitted years later.

Let’s be naïve here and assume that some child here, some poor misguided child actually believes this is a chance to show maturity, to be helpful to the sub, make sure she  knows the routines, reminds her of the homework due.  Such kids do exist, often the ‘teacher’s pet’ the other kids have grown to mistrust and I feel for these kids.  They are walking a fine fine line facing ostracism if they help, and mayhem if they do not.

Yesterday a small grade four boy on entering and seeing me, asked if I was the sub, told me the principal had asked me to help me, and proceeded to introduce me to the dozen or so students struggling in the hall taking off their coats. As a teacher I of course want to thank him because he’s being a host and the help is actually helpful but something in me also wants him to stop, to trust I can handle things.

Little kids will often come to remind me what punishment the teacher metes out if someone speaks English in the French class, or what reward system is in place if the whole group at their table is good. The system of marbles in jars, stars on walls, early place in the lineup to leave, I generally choose to forego that day. It’s complicated and a  minefield of  personal judgment.    Grade ones and twos are often q     uite upset if their routines are changes but I reassure them I have a list of instructions to follow and we’ll do things the teacher has asked, but likely in a slightly different way> I brace them for my noting being spot-on in everthing so I don’t have to deal with constant complaints.

Junior high kids however exult in the teacher being clueless. I mean I know they’re not the ‘enemy’ per se but if you show weakness, they’ve got you.  Exuding some sort of competence and confidence is vital to not having the class quickly go south, a runaway train of inanities. I am in control, paid to be in control, and I will be in control. I insist on it.

My dad once in his sixties got on a horse at a riding academy, a horse I had been struggling with because it, sensing I was a novice, was often heading back to the barn.  The horse sensed in two seconds flat that this rider knew, was in charge. It reared its head up, he tightened the reins and it smartly obeyed.  I like to think that when I enter a classroom I have a presence, some sort of air of authority and confidence that instills a tone. Some might call it respect but let’s face it, for some it’s fear, fear I can get them in trouble if they act up.

Sensing this, and my age does help that I may look ‘no-nonsense” the kids don’t necessarily stop their tricks but they may try them more half-heartedly, It’s quite endearing really. They want to have fun trying to trick me but they are not particularly surprised I catch them at it, and we can laugh about it and get back to work.

Seating plan is a key first one.  They will often, I would say nearly regularly, sit in the wrong place if there is  a sub. Finally they get to sit with the friends they have been strategically separated from with the regular teacher. 

Changing identity is a less common one, where the kid actually pretends to be the person named in the seating plan location, though he is not.

But the more serious trick I think, is when a child is misbehaving and I ask his name and he refuses to tell me or lies. It’s all games but I treat them with varying consequence. Defiance and lying are not acceptable.

The kids though are usually only amateurs at deceit. No I do not believe your teacher normally lets you rummage through her desk, leave the room, eat food during class or sail of to the library. No you may not work in the hallway or go check on your friend, an urgent errand, or go buy something at the cafeteria. No you may not listen to your iPod while you work and no I do not believe  you that it is not ‘on’ though in your ear.

I have found a whoopee cushion on my chair, toy snake in the drawer, and found seconds after the class left the room that the temperature became sweltering- someone had while waltzing by the thermostat torqued it up.

The grade 8s were doing deskwork and someone asked they could turn on the radio. They wanted, of course a rock station. I said they could as long as they listened to a French station, since it was a French class but they only groaned. One suggested a compromise, maybe that I’d permit an English oldies station.