For little kids, frankness is the norm and it is touching to see that they have not yet learned to lie. In fact when they do lie, when for them truth is not deemed good enough and they already feel they must enhance it, I am concerned.

But little kids also operate in a fine line between truth and wishful thinking.  I child may tell me she has been to dozens of cities when it may be she has been to three.  A little boy may tell me he saw a big black dog, bigger than a car and I realize he just means it was very big. I don’t  think of what these kids are saying as lies and they are not confused. They are speaking metaphorically to give a general message.

Little kids also have a different grasp on reality and let’s face it we did this to them and for them. When we tell them about mice that talk, spiders that spin messages in English, when we surround them with the delicious adventures of fantasy stories, we have to understand that we are permitting discussion of what is not quite real.  If they respond back in kind, we have to be understanding.

One day as a matter of fact I was in a grade 3 class before Christmas and I has assumed that these kids were now pretty grounded in reality about Santa Claus. But luckily before I put my foot completely in my mouth, as we discussed plans for the holidays, some of their words made me realize with a shock that they still were preparing for Santa in particular and quite endearing ways.  A few were suspicious but many countered immediately with proofs- the cookies they left out were eaten, there were footprints of reindeer in the snow and the carrots left outside for them were gone.  One child had however unbeknownst to parents, set up a video camera near the fireplace to create evidence of Santa’s visit the next morning. To which I can only say, parents beware.

It is amazing to me what little kids will tell you.  At one school during a discussion one grade 2 boy, aged about 7, tells me that his mom’s boyfriend is 21. He tells the class his mother is only 16 years older than he is.

We are discussing ID chips in dogs and the pros and cons of having them in children. WE talk about babies and how to identify them in  maternity wards.  One grade two boy puts up his hand to say “My mom’s having a baby”.  Suddenly the theoretical lesson for them is more real. One girl for show and tell brings X ray prints of her new sibling’s ultrasound.  She is beaming.

We are making Father’s Day cards and I already cringe at the assignment, given that many kids don’t actually have fathers in their home or active in their lives. And yet it is a tradition so I do the lesson plan as instructed. I suggest possible greetings for the card and the kids consider which one to use. But one child comes up to me angrily saying “I’m not making a card. We hate him”

Little kids, asked what they are doing this weekend, are keen to tell. Hands shoot up all over the room to tell of visits to grandma, sleepovers at a friend, birthday parties, trips by car or plane out of town, plans to go swimming or skiing. And there is for the very little kids, no sense that this is private information.  One little girl in particular, I’ll never forget, got all dressed up for recess with big parka, mittens, even a pink balaclava hiding most of her face but before she went out she came over to me to announce, half-masked and how odd it seemed, that this weekend she was going to Edmonton and that they ‘d have to stop along the way for a snack.

I  love little kids. Don’t you just want to hug them and yet of course we aren’t allowed to. We aren’t allowed to even touch them technically, and this is a little odd. I’ve seen many teachers pat shoulders though and adjust hats, help zip coats.  I mean I know we don’t love these little beings and never could like their parents do, but sometimes they touch your heart.

It’s not just the little kids either.  Sometimes older kids will reveal in essays more than you might think they would.  I often am asked to mark challenge exams for ssecondary French and kids are asked to in French tell something about their lives.  There are no repercussions for this – it’s not about any invasion of their privacy and they can tell whatever they choose to. The question is about their use of French.  But what they say has even brought tears to my eyes sometimes.

One sleeps on the sofa so her mother has the bedroom. One had a car accident two days after she got her license and when she phoned her dad, cringing, to tell him, his first reaction, bless his heart, was to laugh as he reassured her. There’s a dad.

So many have written about their sports injuries, their times in hospital, the game they played, the tournament they won, the winning goal they scored or the goal they missed. I read about the illness of one student that made him deaf I none hear, ab out how walking the dog is a normal part of the getting ready for school routine. I read about the one-hour commutes using subway and bus, just to get to school, the job commitments these kids already have on weekends.  I read about the shopping trip to New York by one kid and the teasing of a little brother by another.  These kids are taking a giant leap and sharing their life story on paper and I am amused, touched, saddened, and honored.  They will in a few years not share these insights with many people at all, certainly not with strangers.

The kids are doing a star of the week presentation and one shows her family photos. In the series is one of her aunt,’ before she died’. The aunt was 16.

The kids are asked to take home notices from the school only if they are the oldest or only family member in the school This is a common restriction to save school paper but it then is important to know which kids have siblings in the school. I ask which kids have younger brothers or sisters. One girl says “I used to”.  It was not an answer I expected. I ask. She has a picture of him. He died in infancy. He ‘had trouble breathing”.

We are discussing gun laws with the grade 10 English class and one tall boy talks about how his dad has taught him and his brother to hunt. He is a big advocate for responsible gun ownership but not against having guns around.  In fact, I ask the students who in the class has access to a gun. Of the 29 of them, 3 say they do.

As kids get older they tell me less of course.  I notice that little kids believe all adults care about their lives, which is kind of endearing because it means they are loved and just assume they will be loved.

One day a high school student entered sleepily and said he’d had to work till midnight the night before. One day from the back of the class we heard a quiet snoring as one of the kids had fallen asleep. I’ve heard of teachers who had the whole class then file out as a joke on this kid but I chose to just let him sleep for a few minutes. 

One boy had chewing gum stuck in his hair, an odd thing for a grade 10 kid but he admitted he had fallen asleep and it had come out of his mouth.

When I was first teaching a grade 7 student came up to me in a panic because she had just swallowed the lid of her ballpoint pen.  It was lucky she was as old as she waas. Mercifully it had made it down far enough that it would be OK but I understand now those lids are actually made with a small hole in them, because so many small kids swallow them.

Kids are just so klutzy.  The little ones show where they got a bruise or cut, long after it has nearly completely healed and actually I’m more concerned about kids who have bruises who don’t want to tell about them.

I’m not saying kids all tell teachers everything. Far from it.  They love their secrets and in junior high particularly, having secrets and whispering about them is a common pastime. It’s just that adults assume whispering is about them, when it often is not. I remember one time when I was student teaching in a high school class, bright spring day, windows wide open, the kids were all atitter and I had no clue why. I wondered if my slip was showing, if I had food between my teeth or if I had just said something particularly stupid. As it turned out it was not about me at all. Outside the window some of their fellow students had walked by, looked in and were making faces. 

Kids rarely will tell when a problem at home is serious and I think I know why First of all they are protecting the family and they are afraid of repercussions on what stability they have if they tell. But second, they are not sure who to tell Certainly they will rarely tell a sub. And yet and yet. One day a grade 11 girl had not had her homework done and as I circulated to record whose work was incomplete she said she had been in hospital most of the night.  After the class change she stayed behind. It was noon, she had a few moments before lunch and she told me why she had not done her work. Her dad was in hospital with cancer, and he was dying. She was scared stiff and she broke into tears telling me how hard they had all told him for years to stop smoking and yet he had not. I listened. I think I teared up too. I told her how hard it was for me when my dad was in hospital dying. I had no insights except to care and she stood there and we shared in a universal aching I suppose about life. And she thanked me, and left the room.

One time in an ESL class a grade 11 girl came back to tell me that one of the boys was flirting a lot with her and she was very irritated by it and didn’t know what to do.  Her faltering  English made it hard for me to grasp what exactly had happened but I listened and suggested that she talk to the school counselor but she seemed reluctant to do so.  I left a note back for the teacher to look into this but the crisis moment was that day.. We see kids for a moment of their lives, sometimes a mundane moment but sometimes a crisis moment. 

One year the newspapers were full of the pre-Chrismas charity drives and statistics of how very many kids of the ‘working poor’ slept every night in a different church basement and then were taken off to school.  It is not only likely but pretty well guaranteed in my tour of nearly a hundred schools that I have taught some of those kids. I  have however never known it.  Sometimes kids are dealing with much bigger burdens than we know.